Summer has finally come. When I recall my childhood, I remember fond summer carefree days of biking, hanging out with friends, and playing baseball, soccer, or football. Those memories bring an air of joy and lightness to the spirit of my heart.  Hopefully we’ve all experienced something similar to this when we were children. Even now, when summer days come, the light shines early, and the days remain long, it creates that same feeling of lightness and joy –  the kind of joy you observe when see young children playing outside with each other.  They play and interact with each other without thinking of the past or future and live in the moment.  No prejudices, no posturing, nothing to prove, no worries of the future, and no anchors from the past hindering their present.  Young children live, immerse themselves in the moment, and interact with a breath of honest liveliness.   Nothing takes years off and lessens the weight off your shoulders more than when you witness these bundles of innocence at play….until they have to go “potty” or really need to “eat something right now!”  The question I’d like to address today is: how often do we as adults live in that childlike state? (Note, childlike should not be mistaken with childish.)

Living like children, in that state of presence, gets more challenging as we move  through life. We learn social boundaries, and cultural norms, and introduce expectations of the future.  Many times when we move along in the busy-ness (busi-ness) of life we forget the way we were as children. Our modern life has a way of introducing wants, needs, and expectations that are driven by desires of achievement and material goods. We want more “X”, need more “Y”, whether those are monetary in nature or shadows of ego such as recognition, acceptance, control, etc.  We enter into this state of uneasiness and restlessness as we create a habit of chasing outcomes with our thoughts and inner desires. That’s when our focus shifts to future potential or happenings, which takes away from our true present self. 

If we feel down or fearful, we may be looking behind in our rearview mirror into the past and wondering if things could or should have been different.  Did we miss something? Is there regret or are there circumstances that we still carry long after the event or situation has passed? Thoughts of the past take us away from being in the present. You can’t create a better future by trying to create a better past. Lao Tzu, the ancient Chinese philosopher said it best:

“If you are depressed, you are living in the past.

If you are anxious, you are living in the future.

If you are at peace, you are living in the present.”

When we look back at our childhood, we attribute those found memories to “no responsibilities and being carefree.”  I’m not saying that as children we didn’t have any responsibilities for our future, we sure did, but we didn’t pay attention to them.  Children don’t give them any credence, thought or energy until social conditioning helps us lose that uniqueness of being fully present and being aware. Living in the present absolves time and worries.  It gives commitment and honour to who and what is in front of you.

The reality is that state of being carefree and present is a state of mind that can be cultivated, just as some people have learned to cultivate the habit of worrying about future promises or pitfalls that may or may not come.  Too often, I’ve seen way too many people worry about future events with such imaginative detail, thinking it will prepare them for many possibilities that for the most part never come to light!  Thinking about the negative future is a great way to cultivate an anxious state.  Thinking about the future consistently pulls us away from our present purpose.

As well, people also cultivate their past by reliving good or bad scenarios again and again. This ties them up from appreciating and creating new memories and experiences in the present. When we are fully conscious, we feel well connected with our environment, which creates that inclusive feeling. We’ve all experienced these moments of presence when we are doing activities such as gardening, golfing, walking, biking, knitting, etc. Time melted away as we were in the moment and “in the zone”…we felt attached.  Those moments just feel right and we know we are connected with our true self.

I asked a friend of mine, who seems to exhibit a Zen-like calmness, the following question: “You always seem so calm, doesn’t anything bother you?”  He told me when he was a young child he once became very angry and kicked over the garbage can in his room, creating a huge mess.  After he calmed down, he spent two hours cleaning up from that moment of rage.

He told me he learned a valuable lesson from that one second of acting irrationally.  It caused him further problems because he spent the next two hours cleaning and doing a task he did not want to do.  He said, “I was disappointed in my choice.  My actions were a direct reflection of my thoughts for that moment.  I vowed from that moment on that I would think about my thoughts and choose my actions accordingly.”  I would add to his statement: “We should choose our thoughts and observe them without judgment.”  This is a skill that can be learned with practice that helps us live more in the present moment. Thoughts lead to behaviours, and repeated behaviours become habits, which are a direct reflection of our character.

There is an exercise that Zen philosophers teach: when a thought comes to your mind, simply observe it and let it float away.  Don’t judge it, just notice it.  Don’t force yourself to react but to observe and acknowledge it. If you have any negative or obtrusive thoughts let them pass and don’t weigh on them too heavily. In time you will find that those types of thoughts will simply not enter or be worthy of your attention to obstruct you.  Our mind can often be a very busy place; learning to calm it and listen with greater presence leads to greater fulfillment.  The more you practice the better you become.

At any given moment, all we have is the gift of presence. This is the gift we can give ourselves and others around us.  This gift can be the difference between great mental and emotional health vs. poor toxic health that erodes our inner peace as we are caught up in time travel.  Living in that state of presence is a matter of living in the second and releasing the past and future.  If you need good role models look at young playful children, they know that being in the “now” really is the only thing that matters.

As we age, we are forced with this reality of presence more than ever. In other words, as we have less life ahead, we sometimes see more of life.  Summer days help us recall the importance of creating presence. As the sun sets in the twilight years people can either focus and look fondly, or not, on what’s happened in the past and that will affect where they are in the immediate present.  Some may turn to the future as the day is drawing to a close and anxiously try to catch up with missed opportunities they wished they had lived.  Then there are the “wise, child-like folks” who look at the setting sun and live in the present moment and enjoy it second for second until the night arrives.  Choose wisely, because great health choices certainly do matter.

Until next time,
Dr. Chawla